ashmackerz

01:38 pm: wow
been a long time since i've written in this thing. a really long time. alot of things have changed in my life. i'm in a relationship with matt and we're doing good. we're going to detroit this weekend together so that should be pretty awesome. okay i'm tierd of writting in this thing. no one reads it anyways. i've been feeling weird for the past couple of the days.anyways i don't want to write about it

04:18 pm: tomorrow is my last day of real classes...praise God. I have one exam wednesday morning and then two next monday...and then i'm done! so glad so glad

03:48 pm: big changes
well my life is always changing but not as much as it is now. i'm down to my last real week of school and next week are exams. i have my music exam next wednesday and then my english exam the monday after that(may 1) i have to be moved out of my dorm by the 4th or 6th or something like that...and oh did i mention i'm not going to school next year? ha guess not. well i'm not. i'm plan on getting a job and working for a while at least until i can figure out what i want to do as far as school goes. when i told my dad he said "i am not supporting your bullshit anymore." my mom is convinced he's just being "fussy" but i don't really care. i know they don't support all my decisions and i know they love me, but this is something i have to do for myself or i'll end up depressed and i don't want that to happen. anyways i'm going to buckle down and try to do decent on my exams so when i do decide to come back to school i don't have to retake all the classes i'm taking now. anyways i don't feel like writing anymore right now. so i'll update more about the how's and whens later. much love...

02:44 am: i'm awake right now because i took a nap earlier. i hung out with julia tonite for the first nite in forever. she lives with her man now...he wasn't too happy to hear we were going to big don's. big don's is definately one of those places where you can have fun with your friends but it's alway nice to go home to the person you really care about. at least that's how i would've felt. julia got to do that. i didn't get to do that. i really need a cig right now but i'm too lazy to go smoke one. ugh. man oh man.

08:53 pm: i am sick to death of school ahhh! my dad cancelled on me tonite which really hurt my feelings. we were supposed to have a father/daughter dinner, we both love sushi and mama and curtie hate it so it's something me and my dad can enjoy together...and he cancelled. he said he was really sorry though and i could tell that he was. but he had to work in the cath lab today so i understand. so instead i went and got myself some sushi (to go). i think i ate it too fast though, didn't get to enjoy it because i was like enhaling it instead of chewing. lets see what else, tomorrow's april 12th, need i say more. ummm schoool sucks did i mention that? i didn't even realize that i didn't have school friday until someone told me yesterday, so that excites me. umm i really want a beer right now. ummm i want another rock n roll (roll). i should be doing my english homework. i think i'm going to go smoke in a min. i'm sleepy.

03:34 pm: today is really fucking shitty.

03:30 pm: school sucks and i'm having mixed feelings about it. on one hand i don't give a shit but i know my parents would KILL me if i asked to take a semester off...actually really only my mom would freak. not so much my dad.on the other hand i'm really stressed out because of school too. umm i'm not going to working at outback anymore. i hate it, hate it, hate it. today was supposed to be my last day to train...oh well. i really really don't like the job and i can already tell me and this other hostess wouldn't work out very well, she pulled a pretty low move this weekend. anyways i need to get back to reading this play so yea i'll update more lata i guess.

12:01 am: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my feet hurt soo much

05:32 pm: i definately think i'm keeping a level head about the whole josh episode but mainly because i have saturday to look forward to. :)

10:18 am: for once in my life i am speechless. or rather i can't find the words to write that would explain what i'm thinking and feeling. my past has been laid to rest,to sleep, to slumber for all eternity. because my past was thrown into my face for the millionth time last nite, and i won't let it happen anymore. did i try to interrupt,no. because everything said to me was in past tense...loved...gave up...would've...i did..."i'm sorry you couldn't let go after i did"...that kinda shit. hmm cocky aren't we. that sent a spark of anger last nite, and a spark of anger just now as i wrote it. ha, funny how he said he was sorry about wishing i was there in flordia with him. he said i was talking like a ghettofied bitch last nite...is that the last time i let him call me out of my name...most definately. whatever thoughts or feelings that i had for him last nite changed after him calling me out of my name for the millionth time. did i scream and holler and yell names back out at him? nope, because it's not worth it. the "ghettofied bitch attitude" is a line that will go down in history...hahaha. all the "i'm sorrys" won't, because he wasn't really apologizing to me, he was apologizing to himself so that i could hear and trying to make me feel bad about myself. i admit for about five mins after the conversation it did.... that's about how long it took me to fall asleep. so if he ever thought he had lost me before last nite he was wrong, but he most definately did last nite.